What's the difference between scissors and shears?

It happens to everyone. You walk into a store looking to buy a nice pair of scissors, and you stop dead in your tracks. On one side, you see 8-inch straight scissors with stainless steel blades. And right next to it, 8-inch straight shears with titanium blades. They look almost identical, but the scissors are more expensive. Which one is the wiser purchase? What the hell is the difference?

I had this problem today, and I couldn't tell which one was more my style. The scissors had orange handles with some gray, and the shears had black handles, with some red. The scissors were pointier, and the shear blades were darker. The price difference didn't help me at all. Because if one is more expensive, then that must be the better one. But if the other one is cheaper, then a cutting novice like me could jump at the bargain and still get my money's worth. The thing that really made this a pain in the ass is that Office Depot didn't think they needed to put any description on the products telling me what made them different. I actually had to research this.

From what I gather, shears are essentially the same thing as scissors, but have double ground edges, useful for cutting heavier material. So if you only cut normal things, like gift wrap and construction paper, you could probably do all right with scissors, which is what I ended up buying. But if you feel like one day you might get the irrational impulse to cut through some hard plastic object that was never meant to be cut, I guess go for the shears. It doesn't hurt to be prepared.

Cheers,
Diego

Why do some websites ask you to verify your birthdate?

This is to make sure you are the appropriate age for that website. Sometimes, a site will feature content that is not for kids, such as profanity. Or, for example, promotional websites for official brands of beer will have you enter your birthdate at the home page, to make sure that you are old enough to look at the beer-related material, since beer is only for people who are 21 or older. If you enter a birthdate that reveals you to be underage, you will be shown a message explaining that you are too young for the website, and your journey will end there. But if your age is appropriate for the material, you will be granted access to the text and images safely contained within the confines of the website.

This is a highly effective method for screening minors, because the calculation of one's age from their truthful birthdate is never wrong. And no one will ever enter a false birthdate, because the text says that you have to put your real one.

Cheers,
Diego

What the hell happened on Jeopardy! yesterday?

Indeed, this Thursday, the Orlando Sentinel reported that Jeff Ritter, the senior publicist for Jeopardy!, had sent them a notice that read as follows: "This Friday, March 16th, 2007... and for the first time in 23 years, Jeopardy! history will be made. It was such a remarkable event we consulted a game-theory expert, and he said it may never happen again!" When I first read this, I couldn't imagine what it could be. It had to be something mind-blowing. Like one person running the board and winning everything while everyone else gets zero points. But the episode has since come and gone. So, for those of you who don't watch Jeopardy!, which is, like, what, everyone reading this, including myself, I'll tell you what happened.

There was a three-way tie for first place, with each contestant finishing the game at $16,000. I'm assuming they are just going to bring all of them back for another show on Monday, as is official Jeopardy! policy for anytime there is a tie.

Thrilling, right? Who gives a shit? In 2004, Ken Jennings won $75,000 in one day. That's more than all three of these first-place schmucks' winnings put together. I hope Jeopardy senior publicist Jeff Ritter thinks long and hard the next time he gets the impulse to waste our time with stupid bullshit.

Cheers,
Diego

Why do I get the feeling I'm misusing the word "factoid?"

Because you are. If you ask the average person, the word "factoid" means "a brief, somewhat interesting fact." But, in reality, the word "factoid" is meant to describe a bit of unverified or inaccurate information that gets thrown around so much, usually through some kind of press, that its very repetition eventually cements it as an accepted fact. The seemingly agreed-upon definition of "factoid," then, is in itself something of a factoid.

If this is all too much to handle right now, just try to remember that the "-oid" suffix means "resembling, or having the appearance of." Like when you hear a human-looking creature being referred to as a "humanoid." Think about what that makes a "factoid."

Cheers,
Diego

Why is Daylight Saving Time early?

Back in August of 2005, President Bush signed a bill into law called the Energy Policy Act of 2005. The basic purpose of this statute is to combat energy problems in various ways, and one of the provisions of the thing is that Daylight Saving Time has been extended by approximately four weeks. So as of this year, instead of starting on the First Sunday of April and ending on the last Sunday of October, it will start on the second Sunday of March and end on the first Sunday of November, and some scientists or something are going to study energy consumption in the coming years and see if it makes any difference.

We've been doing it the old way for about twenty years, and Congress does reserve the right to change it back to the old way if this turns out to be just one big waste of time. So do be prepared for another massive time policy change in the unforeseen future. In the meantime, I'm not sure what difference four more weeks of Daylight Saving Time is going to make for the average person living on the planet. I currently wake up after the sun rises and see it set every day, like before 5:30. I guess this means more sunlight for people like me. Those who get up super early have to do so in the dark now, and I feel bad for them. Overall, the "fall backwards" seems to be more fun than the "spring forwards," but I guess it depends on the person doing the movement.

You'll notice I've been saying "Daylight Saving Time" instead of "Daylight Savings Time." That's because the "Saving" is not supposed to be plural. The "Time" is the noun, and the "Daylight Saving" is the adjective. There should probably be a bunch of hyphens in there, but there isn't, so it's up to us to remember. It's probably too late, because history has shown that when large groups of people mangle or misuse a word or phrase, it tends to stay mangled or misused. I wonder if President Bush gives a shit about that.

Cheers,
Diego